Unlimited Screen Time =/= Unmonitored Screen Time

Several months ago, I wrote a piece called In Defense of Unlimited Screen Time. The resounding critique I received was that it is too dangerous in this day and age to allow kids unsupervised access to the internet. And, y’all, I could not agree more.

Particularly as COVID has pushed our kids more and more onto screens, organizations like UNICEF have responded with alarm. UNICEF went so far as to hold governments, the IT industry, schools, and parents accountable for the safety of our children. And, for good reason. Dangers abound (source and source):

  • Cyberbullying
  • Cyber Predators
  • Posting Private Information
  • Phishing
  • Falling for Scams
  • Accidentally Downloading Malware
  • Posts That Come Back to Haunt a Child Later in Life
  • Inappropriate Material
  • Physical Danger
  • Illegal Activity

Children are clever, but they are no match for adults who wish them harm. Antivirus software giant, AVG Technologies, reported that children are doing dangerous things online that many of us don’t realize.

40% of children chatted with a stranger online. 53% revealed their phone number. 15% tried to meet the stranger. 6% revealed their home address.

Plus, one in five kids has been sexually solicited online. The stakes are high and we have every reason to be extremely concerned. To be clear, I vehemently reject any notion that a child can be safe online without any adult supervision. Adult predators are targeting our kids. Therefore, our children are unsafe. Period. So, what do we do?

My children are still very young, but I am implementing some solutions already. I am also learning from other parents and adjusting my approach as a result. Thus far, these are my mandatory basics:

Be Honest About the Dangers

I have no intention of terrifying my children, but I will absolutely let them know the possible outcomes of risky activity. I know from having been a child myself that I didn’t really “get it” when adults issued warnings. It was only when I had my own experiences that I understood. I recognize that this is likely the case for my own children, so my responsibility is to prepare and protect them in the meantime.

Be Aware of What Your Child is Doing

It’s so much easier to let a child fall into the online world so we can get our own tasks done, right? But it’s a big gamble. We need to pay attention. We need to know who our kids are talking to, what information they’re receiving, what information they’re giving out and so forth. I’m not certain where I stand yet on technology that allows parents to spy on their children directly. That makes me uncomfortable as an anti-childist parent but I will confess that, if it’s a choice between my kids leading a predator to our home versus peeking in on their online activity… I get why there’s a market for that sort of tech.

Consider Parental Controls

One of the easiest ways to restrict content is to go through your home’s wifi settings and this article explains how to do just that. Beyond that, all modern handheld technology offers the ability to manage parental settings either as a built in app or a downloadable one. When seeking out a downloadable app, check to see how well it filters web content, whether it has location tracking, and if it works across multiple operating systems.

That said, parental controls aren’t guaranteed and they aren’t foolproof. Coaching kids in internet safety is far more effective and reliable.

Practice Safety Measures

It’s one thing to tell a child what to do, but showing a child what to do on their preferred device will lead to better understanding and use. One simple exercise we can do with our kids is website vetting. Go to a website and point out all the reasons the website looks legitimate or all the reasons it doesn’t. This exercise teaches kids how to locate reputable information while protecting themselves from danger. And, be sure to let your kids know what to do if they run across something troubling.

Teach Kids About Consent and Boundaries

This one could easily fit under the previous heading, but it’s too important not to mention separately. One of the best ways to protect children from predators is to teach them about consent and boundaries from a very young age. They need to know that they can say no to and even hurt an adult who does something to their bodies that is scary or painful. Years ago, a sex educator went viral for saying that adults should get consent from babies before changing their diapers. She was laughed into oblivion, but she had a point. We should always be talking through what we’re doing to our children’s bodies and giving them an opportunity to decline.

Maintain an Open Connection With Your Child

A parents’ best defense against danger from external forces is a respectful, connected relationship with their child. Kids who aren’t afraid to come to their parents with uncomfortable information will come to their parents. My children never “get in trouble” with me. When they approach me, they know they will not be punished no matter what they do or say. They will be accepted fully and loved endlessly. So, when the time comes for them to tell me something difficult, they won’t have to think to themselves, “Ugh, my mom is going to kill me!” All the while, I am teaching them our family’s values and acknowledging that they have their own path. I am only here to love, guide, and protect them until they are adults themselves.

Make Clear Agreements

Coming to some mutually agreeable decisions around internet access is a substantially beneficial preventative measure before any threat arises. What are your non-negotiables? For my family, one of our non-negotiables is age. Our kids will be discouraged from accessing social media until at least age 16. What are your biggest concerns? How can you address those concerns with buy-in from your child? A friend had the brilliant idea to work with her daughter on an Instagram contract that has some built in actions if things go awry. The most wonderful part of this contract for me is the fact that her daughter had veto rights on the elements and still wanted to agree to all these things that would keep her safer.

Instagram Contract

1. I agree to keep my settings "private" at all times.

2. I agree to be respectful of myself and others in the words and images I use. This includes agreeing not to use social media to mock, tease, embarrass, gossip, or reveal secrets.

3. I agree for safety not to reveal the specific place I am when I am there. For example, I will not post a picture saying "I am at the pool with a friend and then we are walking home." And I will not post personal information such as my address, school name, phone number, etc.

4. I agree to immediately tell an adult family member if I ever receive any threatening or sexual messages or images.

5 I agree to acknowledge that everything I put online is permanently available, even if it can be immediately deleted or hidden. I understand the people who know technology well can access images and words that have been deleted even if the app tells you otherwise. I understand that when I am grown and an adult, someone can look my name up and find every single thing I've ever put online. This includes bosses, boyfriends, girlfriends, future family and friends, neighbors and co-workers and I will conduct myself online with that in mind.

6. I agree that occasionally I will have Internet blackouts. This means that when I am showing signs of needing a tech break - such as lack of reading or creative activities, irritability, constantly pulling out my phone, unable to concentrate and not wanting to participate in family activities or time - my parents might ask that I stay off the Internet and my phone for a day or two.

7. I agree that Mom will be on my follower list until I am older and have proven that I can use social media responsibly.

If I do not follow these agreements, I understand that I will lose my social media privileges for as long as my parents feel is necessary. I understand that my parents love me more than anything in the world and create these boundaries out of love.

Act Quickly at the First Sign of Danger

If you do learn that someone has been targeting your child, report it. Report it immediately. And, you have some options. You can call 911. You can contact the FBI. You can contact the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children (NCMEC) at 1-800-843-5678 or report.cybertip.org. Don’t feel like you’re blowing it out of proportion. If your protective senses are tingling, something is very wrong.

Unlimited Screen Time =\= Unmonitored Screen Time

I strongly promote unlimited screen time as restriction is all too often a source of compulsion. Kids need the availability of unlimited time in order to learn what is optimal for them.

However, my insistence on unlimited screen time does not translate into approval of unmonitored screen time. When security industry experts reveal what they tell their own children, I take note. And, what they are preaching overwhelmingly is that children need boundaries and they need to be protected.

Bottom line, children should not be accessing the internet unmonitored and uneducated.

2 thoughts on “Unlimited Screen Time =/= Unmonitored Screen Time

  1. One comment about downloadable apps: if you are not the customer, you are the product. Many people don’t read EULAs and don’t know that these companies sell your kids’ information to advertisers, including their location, to keep the product “free”.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for saying so! That goes for all social media platforms, Google, etc. We pay one way or another, so it’s important to keep that in mind before jumping into any free apps.

      Like

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